I think my life needs to slow the fuck down. I’m not getting time for reality to set in or my fantasy land to set in. I want to work hard and play harder, but I feel like I don’t have time for anything or anyone. Now I have two jobs, school, friends to keep up with, parents to bitch at me. But generally speaking, I feel like the stuff that happened to me only last year, feels like ages ago and I hate when people say, well nothing good can last forever. Why not? Who said so? Why can’t we all have our cake and eat it too? Since when has too much of a good thing ever been a bad thing? I’m not saying that we should eliminate bad things completely, they make you appreciate the good but everyone deserves good in their life. I’M HELD BACK FROM EVERYTHING. When things don’t go right I feel regret - which is natural. For example, I should’ve been away at school right now. But I’m not. Because I’m a moron. I also do not enjoy playing dumb with people, which I feel like is something I’ve been doing a lot lately. Not even playing dumb, just ignoring shit. I’m not one of those “dumb” girls. Or maybe I am. I know when I’m making  mistakes or being ignorant though, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. 

1. Of Montreal
2. Kid Cudi
3. Wheatus
4. System of a Down
5. Nicki Minaj
6. Shwayze
7. Pink Floyd
8. MIA
9. Beatles
10. Led Zeppelin
11. Drake
12. Brand New
13. Vengaboys
14. Catch 22
15. Lil Wayne
16. Daddy Yankee
17. Passion Pit
18. Biggie Smalls
19. Metallica
20. Alkaline Trio
21. Say Anything
22. A Day to Remember
23. Arctic Monkeys
24. Death Cab for Cutie
25. Anberlin

I start my nursing orientation tomorrow, which is slightly exciting and nerve racking. It’s really here. I came to Queensborough to be a nurse and I’m finally enrolled in the program preparing to be a nurse in two years. I’m still pretty bummed that I didn’t get to go away to school, or rather chose incorrectly from the start but I’m trying to make the best of a shitty situation. I feel like if I had stayed home I’d be missing out on a really good opportunity - 1700 a semester, 98% pass rate and the chance to make real people money in two years. Fair enough. I don’t know, I just feel like I missed that window of opportunity when it was there and it’s like okay, let’s cut the bullshit Camille and deal with real life. My goal is to be a nurse, not to meet temporary friends to get drunk with on weekends. That’s what I have real friends for here ;] For a while I really was obsessed with the idea of meeting a bunch of new people feeling like it filled some sort of void for me, but it doesn’t. I need to get my shit together. Last semester I sucked dick in school, and this semester I really have to concentrate and do well. It’s gonna be ridiculously difficult to maintain friendships, relationships, jobs, schoolwork, everything. I hope I figure everything out and get some sort of balance going on. :[ I feel like I’m being pulled in 5723085 directions all the time and I need to find the one that’s good for me. Eh, I’ll figure it out.